MANCHESTER NH (Associate Press) - In the ongoing saga of Mikey Vs. Eddie score the mother of all races for the E Money.
After making a bet 6 months ago of "Twenty bucks and all the pride in the world" young Mike "I-dont-have-a-girlfriend" Young arrived at the starting line with a plan to duel heavily favored Eddie "Mikeys-not-in-the-not-have-a-girlfriend-club-anymore" Alen to the death or the finish, whichever came first.
Weather was as warm as Nicki's ass after sitting on an un-airconditioned bus in africa for 9 hours with temps in the mid 30s (celcius). No wind and exceptional humidy again shifted the odds even more in favor of Eddie, a voratious, tenatious and loquacious competitor and ex-roomate.
Over four-thousand people came to watch the race first hand, and actually run it with the competitors with another grand watching from the side streets. WMUR was on hand to document the start on live TV for all those watching at home.
What viewers on TV didnt see was the virtual guyser of excuses Mikey started to throw out on the starting line.
"I have to pee."
"My leg hurts."
"Im going to be wieghed down by the ring im carrying in my pocket to give to Erin."
Eddie was a true sportsman and reminded mikey to be glad he didnt take the revised bet offered in June when victory was almost certainly assured due to Mikeys penchant for cuddle time over traning: drop the $20 bet and switch it to loser gets their belly button peirced.
Example:
Before Mikey could respond the gun sounded and the race was off! Eddie went out like a bat out of hell, hoping to take the less experinced but full of hubris Mikey with him. The plan worked and after a 6:20-6:25 first mile victory was all but assured for Eddie as Mikey was reduced to letting hot girls pass him for the rest of the race.
But little did Mikey know Eddie was having problems of his own.
Plauged by over training and still sore from some sleepless nights with randoms, Eddie dropped major pace from his planned sub 20, to 7 minute miles. "I felt like my legs were made of broken glass. Then run over. Then set on fire. Then put through a meat grinder. Defeat was assured, and to make matters worse, I missed the 2 mile mark. This made me think i had dropped pace somewhere into the 8s which even that fat slob Mikey could run."
Mikey also played a dastardly mind trick in an effort to assuage his underdog status. "He wore the exact same shirt as everyone else! I thought that everyone that passed me was him!" This kept Eddie motivated enough to actually hammer down an average mile time of 6:47.
Mikey in the meantime was having problems of his own. "I knew after the first mile I'd been hoodwinked
and boonswaggled. So I decided if I was going to pay $20 [editors note: AND ALL THE PRIDE IN THE WORLD] I might as well sit back and enjoy the scenery... the only problem was I couldnt keep up! Sports bras and pony tails just kept running by and I couldnt keep up. I cant even tell you the ba-donk-a-donk I let get away."
As Eddie made the final turn he was confident, but still hesitant in declaring victory. "There were so many people with that damn shirt on!" state a mouth frothing Eddie moments after he crossed the finish line. "I cant imagine that schmo kept up, but so many people have that damn shirt on!" But victory was assured when he finally spotted a tired and near death Mikey limping around the finishers area.
"We were folling him out of interest for his health" State Genine Smith, EMT for Granite State EMT services. "He looked as if he had just ran a marathon... fast. I mean its hot out here, but this guy looked like he was inches from taking the great gravy boat to the sky if you know what I mean."
Eddie on the other hand was busy asking girls if they wanted "His number" then handing them the lucky #930 (his jersey #). "I actually shamlessly stole this trick from Kevin Thibideau, but he's got no game anyways, so I figured none of the cute girls had ever heard it before." The rouse was a bust for Eddie as well though with most girls responding with a definitive "No." before the bib could even be whipped out.
In the end the two friends met up and Mikey quickly fessed up (between coughing fits) that he had "been beaten. badly" in a weak wheezy voice. Eddie told him to fork over the money and Mikey stated he needed to go the ATM.
(This reminded Eddie of the time Mikey admitted to doing ATM, but actually having a flawed definition of the actual act. Cross and Eddie laughed about that one for a long long long time.)
The two went to the bar with some other friends instead of the cash machine and enjoyed a nice evening together.
Mikey did throw out no sign of a rematch in the making but did offer to wrestle. Eddie quickly replied "Well maybe youll be in a different weight class now you sally, now that I own your sack!!!"
Final official times:
Eddie 21:04 Pace: 6:47
Mikey 23:24 Pace: 7:32
